Tuesday, February 20, 2007

things not to do

1. Don't ever get into an argument with a friend about whether you should have brought him/her a whopper from Dresden. No good can come of it. Even if you are RIGHT you will realize at some point that you are arguing about transporting beef-based fastfood across international borders and it will depress you.


2. Don't hang your new 2007 "Inexpressibly Wonderful Travel Destinations" calendar on the floor. Your housecat, even the one who has been behaving beautifully for the past six months, will pee on it as if to say "There's no place like home! There's no place like home!"

3. Don't take a job editing market research reports unless they are absolutely not hiring at the plant.

4. Don't stop me if you've heard this one before.

5. Don't try to order coffee from a Czech waiter while he's doing something else - like taking away your empty plate. It will anger and confuse him and you will not see him again for the rest of your meal, not that there will be any "rest" of your meal, but if there were, you wouldn't seem him again during it.

6. Don't look at me like that

7. Don't pull a coat on over your pajamas on a Saturday morning to go to the store for bread, run into a friend at the checkout, decide to go to a pub for a drink, and forget you're in your pajamas until you actually take your coat off in the pub and it all comes rushing back to you in a flurry of flannel.

8. Don't go home just because you're in your pajamas in a pub, especially if you've already ordered a drink. Pull your coat around your shoulders like a fashionable woman of a byegone era (or a recently escaped mental patient) and drink your beer.

9. Don't ask me how I know that.

10. Don't stay up into the wee hours of the morning on your computer when you have perfectly good Yorkshire murder mysteries to read.

4 comments:

chihuahua lady said...

pjamas outside is high on my 'do' list, especially since last time i did it i couldnt find my scarf and used and extra pair of jammi pants on my head.
it seemed to act as a magnet for bumping into people.

Unknown said...

Paul was right, you're muy fabuloso!

maire said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
maire said...

i just deleted my own comment because it was full of typos. but what i was trying to say was:

1) i'm now ALL ABOUT wearing my pajamas outside. once you've crossed that barrier, there's no going back.

2) paul is, as always, too kind :)