Hockey Night in Latvia or What Would Don Cherry Say?

The recent World Hockey Championships (I refuse to add the adjective "ice" even if it is part of the official title; anyone who believes the excitement in Riga these past few weeks has been all about FIELD hockey has obviously caught one too many balls in the ear) are over.

As with all tournaments, there were winners and there were losers. That's of no concern to us today. What we're going to talk about is THAT SWEDISH GUY WHO CROSS-CHECKED SIDNEY CROSBY IN THE FACE.



(Exhibit A: Sidney Crosby, in the halcyon days before he was cross-checked in the face.) In brief, the Swedes were well ahead, Crosby scored to make it 5-3, he was celebrating his goal, and Sweden's Mika Hannula cross-checked him in the jaw.

You're expecting me to get all up in arms about this, but actually, I'm just wondering what celebrated Canadian hockey commentator (I can't believe I just wrote that; that's the equivalent of "celebrated Andean pan-flute commentator") Don "Grapes" Cherry must have had to say about Crosby getting nailed by a Chicken Swede.

That's Cherry's own term, as you may have guessed. He's a former player and coach who really came into his own as a commentator. He also owns a chain of restaurants, including one in my home town (full disclosure: my cousin works there).

His beef with Swedes (and all Europeans) was always that they were wimps:

Grapes' love for Canadian players can only be matched by his disdain for European players. Over the years, Cherry has questioned Euros' heart, made fun of their names and chastised them for introducing diving and visors to the NHL.

So the Crosby hit must have left him torn. Sure, it was perpetrated by a Chicken Swede, but it was Cherry's kind of hockey: violent.

And then, I found this quote - it's Cherry talking about Crosby back when Crosby was playing in the Quebec Major Junior League:

Listen, I like the kid. I see the way he plays and everything. But I’ve seen him now after goals; he slides on the ice, on his knees. And we’ve got something here. You talk about hot-dogging. I think it was 5-0. Yeah, it was 5-0. And Quebec Ramparts are gonna remember this one. Now watch what he does here. This is a hot dog move….Quebec is gonna remember that. The next time they play this kid they’ll be after him. He’s gonna get hurt. They’re gonna grab the mustard and put it all over him.

For the record, I'm not sure what "grab the mustard" means in the context of hockey. If it were the fans he were talking about, I would assume he meant they would, literally, throw mustard on Crosby, but I think he's talking about the players who are generally discouraged from bringing condiments onto the ice. (Exhibit B: putting the 'tard' in mustard.)

And can you "hotdog" when your team is behind by two goals? I think not. So all my googling has been in vain - I still don't know what Don Cherry would say about this situation, but I bet I've accomplished one thing.

I've convinced you that YOU DON'T CARE what Cherry would have said about this, or anything else.

My work here is done.