Torino 2006

The Olympics have started in Torino (that's Turin, for those of you who don't speak Italian) "Home of the Shroud" as it says on the big sign welcoming the hordes of athletes and spectators to the XX Winter Games.

Sometimes wrongly considered a grey and serious town, Torino surprises the visitor with its social liveliness, cultural vitality and the artistic aspects the city has to offer right from the very first impact.

Or so the official website would have you believe. In my experience, when a town is considered "grey and serious" it's usually because it is (HELLO FRANKFURT).

Anyway, it's the Winter Olympics and if you're like me, that means only one thing - BIATHLON.

It was my sport until I tested positive for AK-47 assault rifle. This is a hidebound sport, strangling in its own petty rules and regulations. There was no room for a visionary like myself (pictured, above, in my heyday competing, for reason's I'd rather not get into, for Germany). I was ahead of my time.

But I'm not bitter, and you'll find me glued to the tube throughout this year's medal competition, rooting for whoever seems most likely to win. Or for any Jamaican competitors, for obvious, Disneyesque reasons.